In 1991, my husband David and I embarked on what we thought was going to be a routine, OPEN adoption of our daughter. Her birth mother was a good friend of ours. In a nutshell, our dear, young friend realized that having a child during that particular time in her life was not in her best interest or my daughter's for many reasons. We love children and I was unable to have them. Of course we thought this was a wonderful idea for all concerned.
We agreed to adopt her daughter and to include our friend in our daughter's life. We essentially adopted this young woman's entire family, all of us believing that a child can never have too many people who love them. We also firmly believed that our daughter had a right to know where she came from as soon as she was able to understand it. Many people scoffed at us about this. From birth, our daughter had two mommies and knew she was special. (After 19 years, we believe that was the right decision and our daughter agrees.) Thus began a new chapter in our life. We were going to be proud parents and of course, we were going to be the very best possible parents and family a child could have.
We were your average, working class couple. Little did we know that it had only been a few months since parental placement adoptions had been legalized in our state. We absolutely did NOT know that any time you're involved with a Social Worker, they have already assumed there is something dysfunctional in your family unit, regardless of whether you are getting a simple home study or trying to obtain other services from them. We also didn't know that, to get approved as parents, you essentially had to be saints of perfection who had grown up with a perfect life. While my darling husband had been blessed with said perfection and sainthood, I however, had not had a perfect past and my family was far from prefect, but we were a lovable bunch just the same, (lovable enough to raise a normal child that is). In other words, due to ME and MY family, we were never going to be approved.
It took a long time, trying to muddle our way through a quagmire of regulations, professionals and societal stigmas surrounding adoptions, but we struggled and persevered for our daughter's sake until an honest Judge (which we learned are few and far between) finally realized what was going on and settled the matter.
Suffice it to say that we went through 8 years of harrowing ordeals (a nightmare that we thought would never end) to have the government give us their "stamp of approval," not to mention three attorneys, a barrage of psychologists and psychiatrists and it only cost us a whopping $52K+ before it was all said and done. (Knowing what we now know, this was a mere pittance compared to others who were and are now living the same nightmare.) Our love of our daughter is worth far more than money can gauge, but it would have been nice to HAVE that money to help raise her, instead of fighting to keep her. For the love of a child, and nothing more than that, we lost a considerable amount of money which would have helped our family instead of (possibly) disabling it.
We weren't particularly interested in politics, but we sure got an education on family rights, parental rights and children's rights. We weren't particularly interested in psychiatry or psychology either, but we STILL got an education on these professions. We didn't know squat about social services, but we got more education than we ever wanted on sociology as well because we had to get a home study. What we learned from the process was how NOT to be abused and how much standing up for your rights and those of your child will cost you dearly in ways you can't imagine. But stand up and fight we did for our child who has been with us since the very day she was born.
I vowed, when it was all over with, to seek justice and recompense from the people who had stolen a small fortune from us over ridiculous demands made by money hungry social workers who didn't like people doing things on their own, whether it was legal or not. We sued them and, after a long and arduous battle, settled out of court just to get the thing over with so we could get about the business of actually LIVING our lives without them in it.
Our case received publicity in 5 states and people from all over the country began calling us for advice. I was amazed at the number of people who were enmeshed in what we now call the Child Protection Industry. Since that time, I have worked with over 1300 families, professionals and even politicians through various organizations and independently. They came to me from every state through newspaper articles they'd read, word of mouth and even from their attorneys. The truth is S.S. will go after anyone and everyone, you, your friends, your family members, the professionals involved on your case (attorneys, your doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, their OWN social workers, politicians and the children of all the above) if they dare contradict or challenge them in court. Nothing and no one is sacred of off limits for these zealots.
I have personally seen the devastating effects these actions have and the toll they take upon not just a few, but the many. Yet, I wouldn't trade one moment of these experiences because I have learned both directly and indirectly about the silent war taking place in our country. It's time we stand united to end it. I now lovingly refer to my daughter as my 52K kid. She knows she is "priceless" in our lives and now, as an adult, she too believes it is important to maintain family values and family RIGHTS.
IF we stand together and fight for our families to function without unwarranted government intrusion, we can put an end to this silent war and the atrocities of the child abuse systems run amok. ALL our families are at risk these days, often in ways you don't know until it's too late. It's called the "cradle to the grave" theory and no one can escape it.
This site is dedicated to passing along my knowledge and attempting to do what little I can to bring back the rights of the American Parent. Arm yourself with knowledge for it is, indeed, power. We must stand united to strip unlicensed, illogical, and, more often than not, very biased social workers of their "perceived" power to reduce families to a shambles under the color of "official" title.
SIDE NOTE: Our daughter is now in college. She has obtained a diploma in Criminal Justice and is currently working towards a Bachelors Degree. She may seek a PhD. She is on the Presiden't List. For those who don't know, that's an "A" average so I'm claiming my full parental rights to brag just a bit! And to you, my lovely, darling daughter I say, "You have been the greatest joy in my life and I have savored every moment of your presence in it. You go woman!"